10 things to never say to an escort
Imagine this: you’re entangled in the silky limbs of your lover.
The conversation flows between gasps and caresses, and you feel like you’ve created an unprecedented connection both physically and mentally.
Your connection knows no bounds, and a thought rolls off your tongue effortlessly. All of a sudden, the magic spell has been shattered.
Your lover shifts away from you and the tension in the air is so thick you could carve out letters that spell AWKWARD.
Where did you go so utterly wrong?
You’ve committed a client blunder and really put your foot in your mouth.
Before we go any further, don’t beat yourself up.
When we’ve cultivated an intimate connection with someone, it can be hard to discern boundaries.
After all, you’ve seen them naked, why wouldn’t you be privy to more personal details?
Here’s the thing: the companion/client relationship comes with its own unique set of rules and boundaries.
Some of them seem hypocritical, some of them may seem comical, but they’re all in place for a reason.
To make matters even more confusing, what might be crossing boundaries for one companion might not be for another!
Having said that, there’s never any harm in erring on the side of caution.
So with that, in my opinion, here are the top 10 things to NEVER say to an escort.
1. “Do you have a partner?”
I ran a poll about this question recently in an attempt to gauge why gentlemen feel this is a necessary question.
It’s ok to wonder about the enigmatic woman behind the Twitter account, but what people generally mean to ask is one of three things:
a) Are you emotionally available and could we turn this tryst into a relationship?
b) Do you feel as guilty as I do for having sex with someone else?
c) How on earth does your boyfriend LET you do this and doesn’t he see your value diminishes in accordance with the volume of sexual partners you accrue?
Whichever sentiment echoes yours best, it’s never the right question to ask your companion.
What you both do outside of the boudoir is no one’s concern, and the experience is far more enjoyable when you’re present and focused on one another.
2. “What’s your real name?”
Companions choose a “stage name” for a variety of reasons, namely for privacy.
If we used our government names, many of us would be disowned by our families, be denied future employment, accommodation and bank accounts. We’d open ourselves up to stalking and dangerous people.
Choosing a stage name circumvents this risk by allowing us to be anonymous. It’s also a unique branding opportunity, as a good brand name can make or break a business.
We don’t disclose our “real names”, because it’s none of your business.
MY privacy is more important to me than any dollar amount, as it is for many companions.
3. “Can I get a face pic?”
I know, I know.
A blurred face can really ruin a beautiful image.
I personally hate blurring my face and tarnishing my photographer’s work with such an eyesore.
On top of that, it’s much easier to connect with images that contain faces.
But blurring is a necessary evil.
No, I don’t have three noses or a cleft lip. I don’t think I’m ugly either.
If I show my face in photos, I could get recognised by people I know, people who I don’t want to know that I’m a companion.
Like my landlord.
Or my ballet teacher.
While discrimination is illegal where I live, and my work completely decriminalised, stigma still exists, so I do what I can to avoid it.
While I’m open in most areas of my life about my work, it’s helpful to be able to move freely through life with a degree of anonymity.
4. “Do you think I’d make a good male escort?”
I know, it seems as if we are living a fantasy life, full of 5-star accommodation and shopping trips to Chanel.
Not to mention, we get paid for sex?! Amazing, right?
It is. I love my job.
But it’s different for male companions.
If you’re a very attractive male, you will enjoy escorting if you like penis and emotional labour.
There truly is not a huge market for male companions, so you may have to see other men if you want to make a profit.
On top of that, most of your time with female clients will be spent socially, talking to them, consoling them, being The Perfect Boyfriend.
Are you a good boyfriend?
Do you understand women?
Do you like taking care of yourself?
Maintaining a healthy and muscular physique?
Getting regular hair cuts, filler, botox, manicures and pedicures?
If you want to be a male escort, you unfortunately will have to put a lot of effort in to your physical appearance.
Splashing water on your face and not shaving for a week is not an option.
So yes, if you like the sound of seeing men, upping your beauty regime, AND seeing women who have emotional needs, you’ll love it.
If not, put your suit back on and head to the office.
5. “Some escorts are crazy!”
Assertive, confident and sexually autonomous women.
They must be bat shit crazy, right?
Toxic cultural discourse likes to pit women against each other.
You can see it in the movies and on TV: the cliques and the conniving, catty behaviour that portrays women as shrieking banshies.
I’m going to break it to you: it’s the 21st century and women support each other.
Being a hater is so cringe.
Some of my closest friends are in this industry, and I can’t imagine my days without them.
True, I don’t like every companion I meet.
But rather than thwarting their success with gossip and lies, I continue on with my life.
And they do the same.
“But I heard that so and so did this to so and so! See! You lot really are raving mad!” True, there’s always going to be an outlier.
But the jealous and mean escort is a rarity amongst the swathes of positive, happy and supportive escorts that I encounter.
6. “What’s your real job?”
For many companions, tending to the complex needs of their clients IS THEIR REAL JOB.
It’s not a hobby – it’s how they pay their bills and their taxes.
To negate the value of their profession as “not a real job” is insulting and demonstrates you don’t respect them nor their time.
Of course, many escorts do have other jobs.
But that’s not really your concern.
7. “Can I have a discount?”
Haggling is a huge turn-off.
Escorts a luxury experience.
Choose one within your budget, and never ask for a discount.
8. “I’d like one unrushed hour.”
An hour booking is an hour booking, no matter how you put it.
As I cannot speed up time nor slow it down, an hour will always be an hour.
If you feel an hour is rushed, perhaps you’d enjoy a more savoured affair?
90 mins is the sweet spot for many, and can mean the difference between hurrying and revelling in 90 mins of bliss.
9. “What’s the worst experience you’ve ever had?”
This exact question was asked of me by a young man in Perth last year, with no hint of concern, just curiosity and amusement.
As if my life were some movie for his entertainment, complete with misogyny and crimes against women.
While I’m lucky to have never been in any serious physical danger, many companions have feared for their lives.
Asking this question retraumatises them, taking them back to memories they’d rather forget.
Asking such a question will likely upset your companion, kill the mood, and quite likely end in tears.
So just be compassionate, and don’t ask them about the unfortunate personalities they’ve had to encounter.
There are times in our lives where we all wish we could swallow back up the words that we spit out.
But if you do find yourself struggling with a slippery tongue, the best thing you can do is apologise, and move forward with good intentions.
We’re all human, after all.
10. “How much money do you make?”
Out of all the elements of a companions life, it’s often our finances that elicit the most interest.
And given the rising cost of living, I understand the interest in other people’s incomes.
We all want to know how other people are managing rising mortgage rates and grocery bills.
Nevertheless, prying into someone’s finances is a bit…tacky.
In my opinion.
Given how inflammatory discussing money can be, it’s best to keep your nose out of other people’s bank accounts.
It’s natural to be curious of the lives of others.
But if any doubt, it’s always best to assume someone has boundaries.